John and Co's Drunken Science

This is from maybe a month ago, when a bunch of people were over and somewhat inebriated. Luckily, they didn't get too far down the list, themselves.


10 Phases of Drunkenness: a study in modern behaviours

Low level ‘tipsy’; fake drunk
‘Loving’ feeling OR feelings of rage/depression
‘Grabbiness’ or overtly seeking physical intimacy
Aggressiveness or willingness to engage in combat
Slurring words, with addition of trouble connecting thoughts
Difficulty walking and infantile motor capacity
Nausea
Vomiting
Waking up in a pool of own vomit
Hospitalization or other medical side effects as a result of alcohol poisoning


‘Tipsy’ is defined as an awkward “light”, happy feeling associated with the early stages of excessive consumption of alcohol.

‘Loving’ is defined as the emotional state of being in which an individual expresses feelings of endearment/tenderness. (In most cases these feelings are a return to the earlier stages of Maslow’s Basic Needs pyramid, and also, though unrelated, quite often unwarranted.)

‘Grabbiness’ is defined as the state in which those of the predominantly male sex are prone to “grabbing” body parts of another individual. (This is a continuation of the prior level of drunkenness, wherein the individual relies heavily upon basic needs, ie: food, water, and sexual activity.)



*This list has been compiled with the assistance of my colleagues Johnicus, Pryscilla and Morgasm. I am appreciative of their extensive knowledge, and practical expertise in this area, without which I may never have been able to adequately identify the specific levels of debauchery.

Yours in pretension,

Angela Visscher